I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
