he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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