I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
