He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
