O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
