the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize