what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
