I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
