you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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