i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
