so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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