More tranny stories later!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
