Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize