Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
