You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
