I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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