You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
