im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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