like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
