I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
