Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize