I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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