Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
