I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
