Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
50% drunk capacity currently
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
