FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize