the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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