I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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