Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
