tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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