I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
