you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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