It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
