Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
