i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
