she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
