i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just high enough for therapy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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