filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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