Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
