Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
