You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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