Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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