Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
