i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
