apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
