She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
