shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
