I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize