OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
