my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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