well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
