I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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