I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
