I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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