thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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