I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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