He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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