the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize