So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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