Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
