I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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