so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There was a lot of him and a little penis
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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