some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
