We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
