If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
