They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
