dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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