Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
