and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
