Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
