she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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