There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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