Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
