This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
