Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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