kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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