You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize