with your own penis?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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