I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think my vagina is haunted
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
