yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
