Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
