oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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