The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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