You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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