Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
