would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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