I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
