Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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