but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
