okay pat passed out under dana's car
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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