I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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