waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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