So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
