I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
