i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
