We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
