Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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