your thong is hanging out like whoa
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
