There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
