I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize